Sunday, August 7, 2011

August, 2011 The Dress I Forgot to Name

So this month ended with a huge performance and installation for the Church of Circus.  It ended with exhaustion.  It ended on fire with embers still smoldering and getting ready for regeneration.  It ended with satisfaction and joy.  It has been an amazing month. 
I have been teaching, traveling, sewing, installing, making music, making art, making friends, picking blueberries, going swimming, cooking amazing food and simply loving summer in Vermont. 
I tried to find a poem that could capture the way I felt about this month, but as I was sitting with google looking for the right way to express how I feel, I realized that I should just write it for myself.  I feel good.  I feel balanced, even through mayhem of trying to get images to magazine editors, images to art center directors and all the other things that have pulled me in various directions.   I feel like this project has been lagging, but I realize how close I am to the end.  I am in the home stretch.  I am almost there. November is only 3 months away for me.... only three more dresses.  
I feel like my artistic and fashion style has developed into a stronger presence.  I still at times wish I could fade into the background, but overall I have been learning how to be me... how to be comfortable with just being me.... doesn't matter what crazy dress I have on... I am still the navigator and captain of this vessel.. this life...this project... feels good not to have lost sight of that...not to say that there haven't been times where I feel like I was loosing sight of my goals around this project. 
As busy as August has been, I must say that my trip to Maine was so wonderful and rejuvenating.  I felt like I was in a perpetual time warp with all of my friends around.  It also made me realize how high strung I have been and how hard I have been working on my life, career, everything.  My friends gave me permission to relax and it took several days before I finally did, but it wasn't easy.  I am used to working all day and mothering most of the time, and then working all night.  In Boothbay, there was so much action that I had little time to think about art and magazines, and this months dress.  It felt good, It felt like stepping out of this dress and the hype around this project and for just a brief moment recognizing the person who I am.  I was like "hey me, how's it going?  You gonna do some yoga today or go to the ocean?"  My brain slowed down just enough to allow my body to catch up.  It felt good.  It was good.  It is good.  It allowed me time to wrap my brain around the Church of Circus Project which took a week of installation. 
The Church of Circus opening reception was phenomenal, a good turn out, and oh so much fun. It was marvelous and spectacular, and I have to thank all of my fellow collaborators for their hard work and support and for being friends.  
The day after the Circus was difficult, exhausting, and terrifying.  The morning was lovely and lazy and had that perfect art show "now what?" let down, only to be interrupted by a family emergency with my best friend's youngest son.  The details are private, but in the end every one was ok, healthy and safe but as a result we had one extra toddler in our mix for the afternoon.  OMG!  Mothers with twins or triplets, bless you all.  Saturday was a long long long day.  Time for a final picture... nope, time to document the details of the dress? nope.  I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. 
Woke up this morning, realizing my dress did not have a name?  Does this mean she is No Name? 
As I write this I am reflecting on what I would call her.  Asa loved this dress... he always told me "Mama, yo  u have such a pretty dress"  It was pretty.  I always felt pretty in this dress.  Was it her collar?  Her hat? Do I know why?  I suppose I could write and write and write about it, but then I think I would be searching for some kind of poetic justification for a name for this dress.  This dress is simply, the dress I forgot to name.  It happens. 

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